Tuesday, November 30, 2010

the most important lessons I learn are the ones I stumble across while skipping class

There's one particular quality that makes things happen, makes "the world go around." It's necessary in any kind of interaction. What is it? Not love, I'm afraid.

Respect. Nothing is as soothing to the soul as a healthy dose of respect. It doesn't matter what form it comes in, or who it comes from.

And since respect is so incredibly crucial to our self-esteem and happiness, there's not much worse than failing to receive it.

And THAT is my issue with the education system.

I don't mind showing up to class. I don't mind doing tedious essays or ridiculous activities for my online class (come on, do I really need to fill out an online dating application? I have no reason to online date.. and even if I did, I'm part of a tech-savvy generation. I know better than to put my address on a dating form.)

What I do mind is the way none of my teachers consider me responsible for my own actions. So what, I missed your class three times last week? My loss - not your problem. I'm the one who decided not to go, so why do I need a note from my  mother?

It's disrespectful. It's condescending. I am not a child. I may not be the most mature person in the world, but I am mature enough to make my own decisions about what I do with my time. Generally, I choose that I want to go to my classes and learn stuff. Sometimes, I choose not to.

Math and science and English are important, but there is no real reason to keep us in class for six hours a day, five days a week, ten months a year, for twelve years. There's only so much you can teach a group of bored, rebellious kids during those six hours, and pretty much everything after the fourth hour doesn't even process, no matter how hard we try.

In my opinion? School is just a snazzy kind of daycare. Don't know what to do with your child? Ship 'em off to sit in a desk for six hours - convieniently out of the way, and there's even a chance of them learning a thing or two.

And, well, if I was a parent, that would make sense to me. I wouldn't want my child to sit at home when they could be learning social skills and basic math. On the other hand, there's also a time when they won't need their daycare center any more. An age where they have made their goals and want to follow them; an age where they become responsible for the decision to suceed or not to suceed.

I think as we get into these last few years, Grade 12 and even Grade 11, we've reached that point. If we learn, it's because we want to learn - and if we don't want to, we'll probably just stare out the window all day or talk to our friends. And there are kids like me, who have no real interest in classes. Some days we do, but mostly we just want to GET IT OVER WITH.

So why do I have to bring a note if I skip class one Monday? I didn't want to learn anyways, and all I would do would be to distract other people in the classroom. I've made a decision about my goals, and I know it's my responsibility, if I suceed or if I fail. At this point, the system is no long beneficial, just a tether. I'm resentful of the way I am being treated, of the lack of responsibilities given to me by my teachers.

I am not a child, so why am I still being treated like one? I am learning to take responsibility and be an adult - so is it not destructive to my progress to deny me the ability to be an adult? My mother does not care if I miss a class, so why does the school have to call her up, interrupt her day, so she can lie and say she knew about my activities on Monday?

How is this in any way preparing me for the future? No matter how good my grades are, college won't do anything if I'm  not able to be responsible for going to class. I am not going to be coddled by condescending teachers and worried parents in the real world.

I refuse to buy into this system. I refuse to believe life is about academics. I will be successful at my own rate, in my own time, by my own rules. And I will be entirely responsible for my success.

Mourning A Love Lost

I'm a pretty happy kid. I have an amazing family, the greatest big brother that a girl could ask for. Pretty much the only worry I really have right now is heartbreak - I've been deserted by one of my closest friends, Sleep. I suppose our chances weren't that great; half my family are insomniacs.

Still, I was hoping to be an exception - especially since my beloved insomniacs are also both manic depressives. And both have less than wonderful pasts. My childhood has more or less been sunshine and rainbows, and I'm pretty much always really happy.

So why doesn't sleep want to hang out with me any more? I have no idea. I'm not prone to anxiety or stress. My life is extremely happy and pretty much carefree. I've been a morning person for most of my life; in fact, just a year ago 9pm was my preferred, self-imposed bedtime. Now it's 1:07 in the morning and I don't even feel tired.

Oh, and did I mention that I wake up at 6:30 every morning? I do believe I will be napping in class tomorrow...

My mother suggested sleeping pills. I'm pretty tempted, but they go against one of my most fervent beliefs; my disgust at how over-prescribed our society is. Growing up with people who suffer from depression symptoms (and having several very close friends with mental/emotional disorders), I've had a front row seat on viewing the effects of many of the "anti-depression" type drugs. My verdict? They're bullshit, useless, toxic, destructive. A solution prescribed by a society that cares more about making money than solving the problem.

I'll write a post about my hatred for anti-depressants another day. Back to sleeping pills and that dilemma. I think, even more so than my bias against prescription pills, my difficulty with the idea of getting sleeping pills is that it requires admitting I have a problem.

Now, I know I just admitted all over the internet by writing this blog post, but that doesn't mean anything. A kid who can't sleep? No big deal. A kid with a prescription for drugs to help her sleep? That's different. Uniqueness for the win, but this is one scenario where I do not want to be different.

Incidentally, smoking weed as a sleeping aid is just as bad. Healthier, probably, but still a dependence on an outside source for what should be a basic ability.

Seriously, why do people even have sleeping disorders? Sleep is required to live. A condition where sleep is inaccessible is self-destructive. Same goes for eating disorders. We need food to survive, so why are girls teaching themselves to go for days without a bite? What a weird world we live in.

Well, I'm going to go stare at the ceiling for another hour or so. Goodnight, strange world!

Saturday, November 27, 2010

I am a regular liar.

What's your definition of love?

My mother (an endless source of wisdom) once told me that it's not possible to fall out of love. And I believe her - when I think about the people I truly love, my brother, my parents - I know that no matter what they do, I'll always love them. No matter what.

What about romantic love?

It scares the shit out of me, that's what. I never know when those three words should come. Looking back on my past relationships, I've realized that I'm a huge liar. I didn't love any of those boys. Looking forward, I'm suddenly panicking; how am I supposed to know?

Realistically, true love takes a long time to develop. It relies heavily on things like mutual respect and trust. No matter how amazing they are, how you feel about them - how can you love someone you've only known for a few weeks? A few months? Sometimes it can take years to really figure out who a person is.

I think I need a transition word. Not "like", because that doesn't express much more than a general approval of a person. There are people in my life who I far more than like, but I don't know if I'm ready to say I love them.

Even some of my very best friends - what does that "love" mean? I tend to use it as a term meaning I care about them a lot. That's not too intimidating. I do, in a certain sense, love them.

So does that mean there are different levels of love? From the love I feel for my friends, to the love I feel for my brother? Maybe a scale of 1 to 10, with the girl who I care about a lot but is sometimes a dissapointment as a level 1 love, and my bro as level 10?

"Oh baby, I love you on a scale of 4 out of 10."

Hm... I don't see that going too well. So what am I supposed to say? I can't morally lie and tell someone I love them when I don't even really know what it means to romantically love someone. I'm not some stupid little kid who expects every new boy to be the one and only. One and only will come along, but I'm not going to know who he is on the first impression.

English language, you suck.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

I believe in us.

I believe that most of what we accept are facts are actually opinions.
I believe that beauty is an unattainable concept.
I believe that diamonds are not forever, but true love is.
I believe that we are constantly being brainwashed, yet are too lazy and apathetic to resist.
I believe that the only lowest people are the ones who look down on others.
I believe that the world is perfect, but humanity is not.
I believe that we have the power to do anything.
I believe that you should only treat your girl like a princess if she treats you like a prince.
I believe that everything happens because of a reason, but not for a reason.
I believe that happiness is a conscious choice.
I believe that religion is beautiful but the people who control it are not.
I believe that you must love yourself before you can love others.
I believe that there is something wrong if the past was better than the present.
I believe that your vote counts.
I believe that the world is beautiful.
I believe that ego is healthy, arrogance is not.
I believe that there is never only one answer.
I believe that we can fix the world.
I believe that the most powerful talent is the ability to provoke thought.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

when i was younger my mother taught me that the only way to remove a weed was to dig up its roots


                is the right to choose between two different sets of liars
      with two different sets of lies.

is the right to have any leader we want, of of a
           carefully selected list.

is the right to be free
                          as long as we follow the system.

is the right to elect a man into power
whom we will inevitably hate anyways.                

is the right to color in whichever box we choose,
but not to color outside of the box.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Life Sucks, Smoke Weed

Life is the coolest thing there ever was. Why don't people understand that? Now, I know there isn't a lot of tragedy in my life - one or two personal things I'm not going to tell the internet about, but nothing like abusive or dead parents or anything horrible like that. I don't count bullshit like being broken up with as tragedy, either. Whateeeeeeeevvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvveeeeeeeeer. Get over it!

The thing is, why do people bother being sad? I mean, ever minute you waste being sad, is one less minute of your life you were happy. Imagine if you could go back and count the amount of time you've spent being happy or sad. It could be YEARS!

And if every second counts, why would you possibly want to waste it being upset because your mommy won't let you out on a Wednesday night? Because your daddy won't let you date? Your best friend had to ditch because of their hockey practice? All these stupid little things you're wasting your time on! When you look back at the end of your life, will you really care that Mom made you miss whatever event was Wednesday? You probably won't even remember it.

So life is not perfect. Life probably never will be perfect! Life is only what you make of it.

My life is goddamn happy, no matter what. :)

UPDATE: Lawl at all the people who saw the title and immediately agreed with it, not reading the post.

Friday, November 5, 2010


Things that make me redonkulously happy: this

Katie Makkai comes down hard on the concept of "pretty". I love this.

What does  pretty mean, anyways? That's my question to you. Everyone seems to have a different opinion - and, to quote a good friend of mine - "there is no greater opinion". That means, kids, that NO ONE'S opinion is more powerful than anyone else's. If your momma thinks you're beautiful, who's to say that the hot, uninterested guy from the football team has a more important opinion? Maybe he just likes a different kind of girl.

And who decided it was so important, anyways? Ask any really pretty girl, and she'll tell you she's sick and tired of all the people who only are interested in her because of her appearance. Bleck! What kind of gift is that? Better to know you're being appreciated for your personality, your style - yourself!

On top of that, physical appearance is surprisingly flexible. Go look at your student picture from Grade 9. You look a lot different, eh? Nothing is stopping you from continuing that process. If you dislike something, change it. The only thing to remember is to STAY FLEXIBLE - what you want now, might not be what you want in twenty years. Don't lose your nose forever.

Me, I'm going to keep getting ridiculous haircuts and wearing crazy pants, because pretty is overrated. I don't have time to worry about making myself look good to other people, when I already like how I look to myself.

A Day in the Life of a Teenage Girl

I weigh 126.4 pounds.

However, as the days of skipped gym sessions add up, I can't help but feel more and more uncomfortable. I was sitting in the bathtub comparing my legs to Barbie's when the idea for this post came up. (I've loved to do that all my life - no matter what, my legs have never let me down.)

Now, I like to think of myself as a pretty secure person. I generally don't care too much about being super attractive, since I don't really date anyways. So... if I'm this worried about my weight, what is it like for all the other girls out there?

Well, finally I've gotten around to my point. We are so obsessed with perfection. Do boys really like rock-hard abs and protruding ribs? I doubt it. Your love handles, the muffin top - its no big deal. Did you know, that in older times, being chubby was considered extremely attractive? It was a sign of healthiness. 

And THAT is what makes the difference, really. Are you a healthy, happy person? That's more attractive than any makeup or hairdo or visible ribs. What guy is going to want to deal with an anorexic girlfriend? (In my experience, they just try to feed you up!) 

Time to stop obsessing over whether your bones are visible or not, and start thinking about how to really be beautiful - because the TRULY beautiful people are the ones who are happy.

If you are not able to be happy with yourself, just the way you are, the way you were made - how can you possibly expect anyone else to be? 

You're sexy. ;) 

Unlike this chick.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

The Most Comfortable Fence

 This is actually stolen from my Posterous blog... but I like it so much, I decided I wanted it to be on this one, since this will hopefully be my main blog.

Gee, what's the most controversal topic I can think of? Oh, I know! Religion!

I was raised atheist but I always believed in God - just kind of subconsciously in the back of my head. So... I believe in God. I'm not Christian, though - I mean, God exists, but who decided he was this guy with a white beard who liked to smite people and had a Son named Jesus? The Bible was written by men.

I'm not really into any other religions, either. Islam is too similar, and Wicca? Uhhhhhhhhhhh... same story. Who decided that God was a chick who's omnipresent and likes little ceremonies involving candles and stuff? Sounds human again, except maybe a woman wrote that one.

And that's what religion really is - opinions. Everyone took the same idea, and then twisted it to suit their needs. Even atheists are just people who feel more comfortable in a world where there isn't a God watching them.

The thing about opinions, though, is that people like to share them. While I was quietly plodding along as an agnostic-atheist type, all my Christian friends would never leave me alone - "Jesus loves you! Jesus needs you!" When I decided to give Christianity its fair chance and started researching into the religion, it was the atheist friends' turn - "God is phony! You'll believe anything!"

My conclusion? There is no right answer. I think Jesus is just fine the way he is - he's got lots of supporters. Personally, I'm not interested in the apocalypse, or acheiving eternal life - I just want to live this life. As for atheism, its just another extreme I'm not interested in - there's just as much proof to either way. I'm not going to let religious extremists tell me what to think, and I'm not going to let atheist extremests try either. I'm a fencesitter for life, believing in some faceless, nameless God - and that's all I need for want. I LOVE this fence.

On the other hand, maybe becoming Pastafarian is the answer. Flying Spaghetti Monster, here I come. <3