Mourning A Love Lost

I'm a pretty happy kid. I have an amazing family, the greatest big brother that a girl could ask for. Pretty much the only worry I really have right now is heartbreak - I've been deserted by one of my closest friends, Sleep. I suppose our chances weren't that great; half my family are insomniacs.

Still, I was hoping to be an exception - especially since my beloved insomniacs are also both manic depressives. And both have less than wonderful pasts. My childhood has more or less been sunshine and rainbows, and I'm pretty much always really happy.

So why doesn't sleep want to hang out with me any more? I have no idea. I'm not prone to anxiety or stress. My life is extremely happy and pretty much carefree. I've been a morning person for most of my life; in fact, just a year ago 9pm was my preferred, self-imposed bedtime. Now it's 1:07 in the morning and I don't even feel tired.

Oh, and did I mention that I wake up at 6:30 every morning? I do believe I will be napping in class tomorrow...

My mother suggested sleeping pills. I'm pretty tempted, but they go against one of my most fervent beliefs; my disgust at how over-prescribed our society is. Growing up with people who suffer from depression symptoms (and having several very close friends with mental/emotional disorders), I've had a front row seat on viewing the effects of many of the "anti-depression" type drugs. My verdict? They're bullshit, useless, toxic, destructive. A solution prescribed by a society that cares more about making money than solving the problem.

I'll write a post about my hatred for anti-depressants another day. Back to sleeping pills and that dilemma. I think, even more so than my bias against prescription pills, my difficulty with the idea of getting sleeping pills is that it requires admitting I have a problem.

Now, I know I just admitted all over the internet by writing this blog post, but that doesn't mean anything. A kid who can't sleep? No big deal. A kid with a prescription for drugs to help her sleep? That's different. Uniqueness for the win, but this is one scenario where I do not want to be different.

Incidentally, smoking weed as a sleeping aid is just as bad. Healthier, probably, but still a dependence on an outside source for what should be a basic ability.

Seriously, why do people even have sleeping disorders? Sleep is required to live. A condition where sleep is inaccessible is self-destructive. Same goes for eating disorders. We need food to survive, so why are girls teaching themselves to go for days without a bite? What a weird world we live in.

Well, I'm going to go stare at the ceiling for another hour or so. Goodnight, strange world!