Sunday, December 5, 2010

"A healthy relationship means being able to walk out of it at any point. If you can't live without someone, you have a problem."

That title is a quote from an incredible woman - my mother, Myst DeVana.

It doesn't mean you shouldn't care about the person you're in the relationship with. It might hurt to walk away, but you have to have that ability. You have to have faith, that you'll be able to carry on without them, that you can depend on yourself. For example, my current boyfriend - no, I wouldn't want to end that relationship. It's wonderful. But, if I had to, I would. And I would survive the process, because I am strong in myself and I know that I could go on.

I think the worst way to begin any relationship is to need it. Love does not come to the needy. Love comes to those who have found love in themselves, and are ready to share it with others. If there is anything I believe, it's this: you cannot love anyone else if you don't love yourself.

Here I am, in one of the greatest relationships I've ever had. It's completely different than what I'm used to; it's romantic, my decisions are respected, I have freedom, there is not only mutual respect but we click on an intellectual level. It's a far cry from the shallow, sex-based relationships of my peers. I actually know who it is I'm kissing - not only his name, but his personality, his interests, his opinions.

So what's different, this time around? None of the other romantic relationships I've been in were like this. The difference was that I wasn't looking for just any relationship. I was content with my single lifestyle, but just happened to stumble into a person I clicked with really well. There wasn't any rush, there was no desperation. We were both happy to be friends, and pleasantly surprised when things went to the next level.

Funny, how the best things come when you aren't looking for them. A watched pot never boils, and relationships are harder to find when you're really looking.

My advice, to all you ladies and gentlemen who desperately want to meet that perfect match?

Forget it.

Spend some time pampering yourself. Hang out with your friends. Get new hobbies. Learn to love yourself. Soon enough, someone will come along - someone better than you ever dreamed of. Someone who will love your individuality, who will want to hold your hand every second of every day and kiss you in front of their friends.

Nothing is more sexy then self-confidence. If you believe you're hot, then dayum, you're smokin'. If you believe you're a catch, then someone is going to be convinced. If you believe you can do anything, well, there isn't much you can't do. Life is only as good as you think it is. There are people in terrible situations who wake up every morning with a smile on their face, and people who cry themselves to sleep in luxurious beds in mansions, surrounded by people who care about them. It's all a matter of a perspective.

Think about that really ugly girl you know who always has a boyfriend. You know one - everyone knows one. How do they do it? Obviously, they believe in themselves. They believe in their ability to catch whatever boy they chose - and it happens.

Maybe it's arrogant, to believe you can do whatever you want, have whoever you want. My opinion? Oh-fucking-well. I am arrogant. I am arrogant and I have a huge ego. And I do whatever I want, I get whatever I want, whoever I want. I still have to work for it, of course, but the end result is that my life is pretty much perfect.

Don't mind all this bragging. I mean it as encouragement - here's my secret to success, please become successful. The only thing better than being happy is sharing happiness with others.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Fantasy of Control

Defying the system seems to be on my mind lately. Defiance requires a free will, so that's what today's post is about.

What is free will?

"[Free will is] the power of making free choices unconstrained by external agencies." That's what Google tells me.

So, do we have free will? The Bible says yes. Most people agree.

We do not.

The idea of doing whatever we want is incomprehensible. It's unthinkable. From the very beginning, we form societies, systems. Systems with rules. Morals. Ideals. We promote ideas like the "right" thing to do, tie ourselves to ideas for the "good of society". Willingly, eagerly, we give up our individuality, our right to be different, our free will - for the good of the common people. In the name of what is right. Decency. Propriety.

Can you imagine walking down the street naked on a warm summer day? There's nothing wrong with the notion, but we shudder away from it. It's not immoral, or hurtful; in fact, it would probably be enjoyable. However, we have given up our ability to do this, because some person at some point in the past decided it was wrong. It was made to be part of the system.

"Free will" does not exist. It's impossible; we naturally create rules around ourselves. We tether ourselves to things like good manners, reliability - even if no one else tells us to, we wrap the chains around ourselves and lock them shut with our own hands.

Free will is a fantasy we trick ourselves into believing, in the hopes that we will not catch on to the farce that our systems really are. Fortunately, we never truly will - as I finish writing this post, I'm not going to run around naked. I'm not going to talk back to my mother. I'm not going to do anything wild or extreme.

However, with the knowledge of freedom at my disposal,
 well, who knows what the future will bring? Every rule you've ever believed in is entirely self-imposed - and therefore non-existent. I would not suggest committing murder, because some rules are made for reasons, after all - but next summer when it's hot and your t-shirt is getting sweaty, remember this post.

I Politely Reject Your System

This is a Friendly Revolution.

And Aunt Rowan wants YOU! to help. Here's an idea; write a polite paragraph about what it is about the system you dislike, print it out, and put it up around the school. Would it catch on? I have no idea. I think it would be cool to try, though. A quiet rebellion, because no one listens to words that are shouted.

I resent your rules and your constrictions. I feel I am adult enough to be responsible for my own actions. I do not want to bring a note home to be signed, like I am some child; if I miss a class, I do it out of my own free will, for my own reasons. I accept responsibility for my own education; to take advantage of the benefits provided towards my education, or to not do so. I want the right to miss a class when I need to miss a class. I want the right to suffer the consequences of my choices. I politely reject your system.

I disagree with your social classifications and your stereotypes. I want to be free to be friends with whoever I want, no matter how they dress or act. I want to be accepted for who I am, not my hobbies or my clothing choices. I don't care if you play video games in your basement all day, or if you party every night. Maybe you do both. It doesn't matter. The only people I want to exclude are the ones who are exclusive. The only ones I'll judge are the ones who are judgmental. I politely reject your system.

I refuse to believe in your workaholic ideals. I will not waste my time working towards future happiness, when I can be happy now; I will not waste my childhood. I will not stress myself over grades - I will not work myself to death, so I can get into school and work some more. I will not buy into this cycle of endless misery. I will enjoy every second of my life, and I will not do anything I am not passionate about. I will not take classes I hate so I can get into some fancy school. I will work as hard as any, but only in was that make me happy.  I politely reject your system.

Anyways... maybe I'll forget about it in a few hours when I have to wake up for school. Maybe you'll see these written around the school. Who knows?